


rare is this love; keep it covered

by ichabodcranemills



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Human, Chameleon Arch (Doctor Who), Domestic Bliss, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Memory Loss, Mildly Dubious Consent, Telepathy, due to the memory alteration, non-consensual memory erasure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:22:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23318299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ichabodcranemills/pseuds/ichabodcranemills
Summary: “It won’t be permanent, of course, these things never are.”“What do you mean ‘these things’?”The Lady President opened a saccharine smile. It frightened both the Master and the Doctor.“Aren’t you just dying to know?”Gallifrey has had it with the Doctor and the Master. So they find a fail safe plan to keep them away.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/The Master (Dhawan)
Comments: 46
Kudos: 111





	1. Oh

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place at the end of Spyfall pt.2 but the timeline is different. Here, the Master didn't discovered anything about the Timeless Child. If you want, you can pretend it's not even a thing in this universe. Due to that, he didn't burn Gallifrey. The Kassavin plot still happened, though.

“Oh”

“That’s your name! Don’t wear it out.”

The Master was zapped into the Kassavins' dimension and The Doctor was about to turn around towards the fam, to celebrate, when a teleporter scooped her away.

  
“Ouch"

The Doctor came back to her senses with a piercing headache.

"What…"

“Finally. The two of you, in your grasp again.” a soft, gentle-dripping-with-poison voice spoke.

The Doctor looked around, but her vision was blurred. Red lights. Dry cracking air. Pomposity and sheer arrogance emanating from every creature around her.

“I’m in Gallifrey.”

“You are. For the last time.”

“How have you brought me here? What is going on?”

Her vision finally steadied. She was trapped in a paralysis force field. Beside her, the Master was being held in a similar device. He was fuming.

“What were you thinking," the same woman carried on speaking, ignoring her questions "when you send the Master to a dimension that allowed him to travel anywhere in the known universe and beyond?”

The Doctor turned to look at her. She wore the garbs of Lady President. A new one, already.

“He was meant to be trapped there,” she said with annoyance.

The Master laughed at that. The Doctor and the President ignored him.

“Well, it didn’t work. And we’ve had enough of you, him, and your antics.”

The two renegade Time Lords rolled their eyes. Leave to the High Council to summon someone back to Gallifrey just to tell them to stay away.

“You are being sent to Earth, to be restrained there. Both of you.”

“Being there done that, mate,” the Doctor said, at the same time the Master let out a dramatic shrike of rage.

“Not like last time. Banishment has never done the trick of preventing the two of you from causing us trouble. But now we've figured out a perfect way of doing so."

“What are you talking about?”

“It won’t be permanent, of course, these things never are. But it will give us enough time to biolock Gallifrey against you.”

“You can’t biolock someone out of their own home planet.” the Master barked.

“When that someone is the Doctor and the Master, yes, you can.”

“What do you mean ‘these things’?”

The Lady President opened a saccharine smile. It frightened both the Master and the Doctor.

“Aren’t you just dying to know?”

There was a flash of light and a whole lot of pain. And then, nothing.

\---

“Honey! I’m home!” Joanie shouted from the door, hanging her coat and scarf at the hanger by the door

“I'm in the kitchen. Dinner's almost ready!”

Joanie followed the enticing smell to find her husband stirring something on a couple of pans over the oven.

“Oh, come on! I was meant to cook today.”

He smiled and shook his head without lifting his head from his preparations.

“Nah, I really like cooking. You don't have to trouble yourself over this."

She rolled her eyes.

“You just say that ‘cause you hate my cooking.”

Oliver looked at her with mischievous eyes but said nothing.

"Oh, you nasty, nasty man."

She lunged at him. Oliver feigned fear, but wrapped his arms around Joanie, as soon as she reached him. He bent her over the kitchen counter and kissed her laughing mouth.

Still laying on the counter, Joanie played with his beard, enraptured by his loving brown eyes.  
  
"How come I was so lucky to find you?"

"It's what they say: lucky at love, unlucky in dice."

Joanie laughed. She was pretty sure no one said it like that. But in Oliver’s voice, it sounded really sweet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So, this is my first time writing a Doctor Who fanfiction. This is exciting! And scary! Also, English isn't my first language so, sorry for any mistakes. The second chapter will be up soon. Comments are always welcomed!


	2. life can be weird like that sometimes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver had always been her constant. She knew who he was. What he meant for her. She knew that no matter how messy or complicated her life could sometimes be, he was there. And would be there. Always. And if that was the only certainty she could have, it would be enough. That’s what mattered.

Joanie and Oliver. She, an auto mechanic, he, a high school teacher, had known each other since always. That's what all their neighbours and coworkers knew about them. They had moved to Halifax about one year ago.

Perfectly ordinary people, if a bit too talkative (really, when did Joanie find time to breathe?) and very, very intelligent. You know, to that point where they make you very aware of how less intelligent than them you are? Not on purpose, though, they were delightful people. Just so happy in sharing their knowledge with you.

They were also one of these couples who were always in sync, seeming to read one another's minds. It made them weirdly competitive on any game night, when their smiles suddenly turned into snarls and they seemed to be playing a different game than everyone else, one with higher stakes and different rules. But really, everyone loved having them around for gatherings. Oliver was such a wonderful cook and Joanie had a unique way to light up a room.

Who cares if in the last year some weird things seem to have been happening to them? Who cares if sometimes Oliver would be tormented by cruel nightmares who’d leave him grunting, holding on desperately to Joanie, his face stricken with tears? If Joanie herself would wake up from horrid visions of planets burning and people screaming? If one of them would tell a story of something that never happened, but the other would know what they were talking about, as if their memories weren't to be trusted? If sometimes they would hold each other's hand with a dreadful but unavoidable feeling that the other would soon walk away forever?

Life can be weird like that sometimes, can it not?

\---

"You're staring," Oliver told her, without raising his eyes from the newspaper he’d been reading, his glasses perched at the tip of his nose.

"No, I'm not," Joanie answered, staring at him. A pancake piece frozen halfway through her mouth.

“If this is about not going to Patty’s party, I would be more than willing to oblige you.”

“Why is that?”

“Her sister is the mother of one of my students, and they’ll be there, I’d gladly avoid them.”

“I thought you liked your students.”

“I like the kids. They’re eager to learn and love when I blow things up. It’s the parents I can’t stand.”

She nodded sympathetically, sipping her tea. She was indeed thinking about skipping the party. Patty was alright, but her husband had to be one of the most boring, unimaginative people she’d ever met. And he held a grudge against Joanie for being a woman that understood more about cars than he.

But that wasn’t why she had been staring. She had woken up earlier than Oliver today. Whenever that happened (which was often, since she had a much lighter sleep), Joanie would just lay in bed until he woke up to make her pancakes. Today, however, she tried to wake him up, because he was having a nightmare. He had a lot of those (as did Joanie) but there was nothing ordinary about that one. He wasn’t scared, or sad, or crying. He was laughing. A manic laugh she had never heard before and it was wicked, and ancient, and  _ cruel. _

So Joanie was staring. She was trying to understand where that had come from, searching her husband - her kind, maker of pancakes, teller of bad jokes husband - for any sign of that cruelty. Nothing was there, of course it wasn’t. But when he talked about blowing things up and people he didn’t stand his eyes were glowing with something Joanie didn’t recognize. It unsettled her.

“I have to go, are you home early today?”

“Hopefully.”

“All right. See you then!” he raised from the table and kissed the top of her head before walking away “I love you!”

He was out the door before she answered, so she whispered to the closed door.

“I love you.”

_ I love you, I love you, please stay here with me. _

\---

“Am I going to have to shout to get your attention?”

Joanie couldn’t remember having ever fought with Oliver. She must’ve had, after high school, when they spent such a long time apart, but she couldn’t remember a fight actually sparking their separation. There was a certain numbness in her mind when she thought about any sort of violence.

Then why now, white-knuckled grip on the kitchen table, she felt such unbridled, raw  _ rage _ towards him?

There was a grin spreading on his face, as if he could tell how angry she was, and that was the exact effect he was hoping to achieve.

“You can just say my name,” she bit back, taking deep breaths and telling herself how insane she was for getting angry about this

“You’re distracted.”

“Aren’t you?”

He frowned. He was. They both were. Staring blankly at the walls for several minutes, lost in confusing thoughts, struggling to grasp what was real in their dreams and their memories and what wasn’t. They both felt the same and saw the same on the other’s eyes.

_ Who am I? _

_ Who are you? _

Oliver’s lips trembled.

“I forgot what I wanted to ask you.”

Joanie walked towards him, pushing those thoughts away. Even when they broke up after high school, and dated other people, and even fell in love with some of them, Oliver had always been her constant. She knew who he was. What he meant for her. She knew that no matter how messy or complicated her life could sometimes be, he was there. And would be there. Always. And if that was the only certainty she could have, it would be enough. That’s what mattered.

She cupped his face in her hands, gaze deeply in his big, vulnerable brown eyes. He was scared, but shouldn't be. She was there and wasn't going anywhere. She softly kissed his lips. 

“You’ve got my attention. All of it.”

\---

Joanie was fixing Bill Potts’s car. The young woman, with a sunshine smile and bouncy afro hairstyle, had arrived at the workshop with her girlfriend Heather, who insisted there was nothing wrong with the car. 

“If nothing was wrong with the car, I’d be able to drive it, wouldn’t I?”

“I can drive it.”

“Yeah, that’s not an argument, you can drive everything. But when you drive it, you promise I’ll be home in time for tea, and then two weeks later we’re somehow in the middle of the rainforest because you just found another wonderful new flower species that you just can’t wait to show me.”

“You like flowers.”

“I love them! And I love you, but sometimes I also love going home.”

Heather rolled her eyes and Bill placed her hands on her hips failing spectacularly on pretending to be angry.

It seemed like that absurd chat was an ongoing discussion, one that Joanie had no hopes of understanding. But Bill’s energy was infectious. She was a fast talker, like Joanie herself. She took an immediate liking to the girl.

Heather was quite different. She had deep, sullen eyes and a quiet, monotone voice. And a certain wet look to her. As if she had just been swimming. Or drowning.

Bill was right, the car wasn’t drivable at the moment. None of the cables were connected where they should, but it was an easy job to fix it. Joanie said so to Bill while Heather just gazed confused at the open hood, as if she saw no difference.

“She’s very intense, isn’t she?” Joanie asked, kindly. Heather was an interesting figure too. She had starlight in her eyes.

Bill laughed awkwardly 

“Yes. Always like that,” her voice raised slightly “Kinda looks like she can’t behave around other humans, doesn’t it?”

She looked poignantly at Heather who responded with a guilty smile.

“Well, the two of you make a beautiful couple.”

“Thank you” she turned towards Heather again, a dreamy look on her face, “I think it shows. That we’re in love. Love makes people more beautiful.”

Then there was that smile again. It pushed away every nightmare Joanie had ever had. Bill Potts was an enchanting person.

“I couldn't agree more! My husband is a physics teacher, so I know all about love.”

Bill looked confused.

“How so?”

“You know. Poetry and lovers, all that stuff.”

“Sorry, I thought you said he was a physics teacher.”

“He is.”

“So…?"

“Poetry and physics, basically the same thing. As they say.”

Bill laughed again, a bit uncertain this time.

“No one says that.”

“They don’t? Oh, I guess it is 'as I say’ then," Joanie finished, with a giggle.

Bill took a few steps forward until she was face to face with Joanie.

“Doctor, is that you?”

Joanie's heart raced.

“What?”

“Are you the Doctor?”

“Doc- Who?”

“Oh my god, you regenerated, didn’t you?" Bill's eyes grew large with barely contained joy "Are you seriously telling me you waited until I left to regenerate into a cute woman?” she was teasing, but there was also an accusatory tone to her words. A demand. _Where were you, Doctor?_

Joanie couldn’t think straight anymore.

“I’m sorry, I don’t-”

Heather was suddenly beside her, looking Joanie up and down.

“She’s not him. Only one heart. She’s human.”

“Oh” Bill looked disappointed for a second. Then her face fell and she was mortified "Oh! You know what, forget everything I said."

"But what-"

"Nothing! Nevermind. I'm so very sorry. Thank you for the car!"

The two girls all but ran out of the workshop and Joanie stood still, watching them drive away. She didn’t move for a long while, almost expecting for some other weird thing to happen. Her world perception was slightly skewed, as if everything was just a tad too bright.

_ Only one heart. She’s human. _

How many was she supposed to have? Joanie shook her head, this was ridiculous. She went back to the other cars that needed attention, but her heart wasn't in it.

_ The only water in the forest is the river _

The stray thought startled her. Where had it come from? What did it mean?

_ Nothing. They said something about a forest, it means nothing. _

But that sentence went on and on in her mind. Even when she got home and Oliver lay on her lap, fell asleep in the middle of Great British Bake Off, still smiling as Joanie ran her fingers through his hair. At that moment, her life was the perfect picture of the normality that the last year had stolen from her. And still, those words where there.

_ The only water in the forest is the river. _

\---

They went to Patty’s party. Mostly because they decided to do so on a whim, partly because Joanie wanted to annoy Patty’s husband.

_ Partly because Joanie didn’t want to think about having more than one heart. Or forests. Or Doctors. _

Oliver had somehow attracted all the teens present and had become a party sensation by explaining quantum physics to them, using an apple and a well-positioned pencil. Meanwhile, Joanie had gathered a small audience herself, enchanting Patty’s husband’s friends with mechanical facts while the husband in case grew redder and angrier by the minute.

Parties were great, they should never skip parties again, they considered, walking home later, tipsy on wine and giddy with joy 

“That cake was awful though."

“I know. I thought I could bake one when we get home.”

“At 11 pm on a school night? Aren't you a rascal?"

“You do love a bad boy," he said, nudging her cheek with his nose.

Joanie laughed. No, she only loved Oliver. And he was the best guy she'd ever met.

After they feasted on the cake, the couple stumbled to bed, lazily undressing and cuddling under the covers. All the anger and confusion from the last few days forgotten. 

Joanie lay on top of Oliver, his arm was wrapped around her, his fingers tracing paths up and down her spine. She snuggled closer to him, breathing in the familiarity of his smell, of this contact, of their love.

She could feel his heart beating next to hers, their beatings combined. 1, 2, 3, 4.

“I don't want this to ever end,” she whispered.

“It won’t," he assured her, kissing her forehead, and his warmness lulled her to sleep.

\---

When Joanie went to the workshop the next morning, she left the front door close and stood in silence in the middle of the garage.

Oliver wouldn't be home until late today, he had a parent-teacher night and, in his absence, the thoughts returned. Without him near, her single heartbeat,  _ her one heart _ , felt like not enough. There were gaps, several of them. In her memory, in her core. And something was digging through her, demanding to be found.

_ Doctor, is that you? _

She looked to the back of the workshop, to the door she never opened after she signed the papers to rent the space. Why hadn't she ever entered there again? Surely she had paperwork to do that was stashed there. But she didn't. Most of the time, she didn't even remember that the door existed.

Except now it was calling to her.

_ You've waited until I left to regenerate- _

Joanie opened the door expecting something would jump at her. But there was just a working desk there, with a single drawer. Joanie opened it with trembling fingers.

Inside it, encased in a velvet lined box, there were two vintage fob watches. There was an elegant pattern carved into them, with swirls and circles, almost like a language. One of them was engraved with the letter D. The other had an M.

Joanie knew instinctively that the D one belonged to her. 

The other one was meant for Oliver.

A tear ran down her cheek.

Bill Potts and her weird girlfriend were onto something, weren’t they?

_ No, they were just hippies who take treks in the rain forest and then need their cars fixed in Halifax. They don't know a thing about me. _

But she couldn’t put the watch away. Her finger hovered on the latch to open it. What harm could it do?

_ Don't! _

A sudden a tug on her heart told her to stop.  _ I don't want to do this.  _ She needed to leave this place. She had to find Oliver, she had to forget this insanity. He’d be home soon, waiting for her and she longed for him. And she  _ didn’t want this to end! _

But she couldn't help it, drawn as she was to the fob watch. As if it was her destiny. As if her whole life had led to this. As if the little thing whispered to her.  _ Doctor. _

_ Doctor who? _

She could pretend she hadn't heard it. Pretend none of that had any meaning.

_ I have to remember who I really am, don't I? I can't pretend I haven't lived my own life. _

So she opened the watch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Bill so much, I couldn't have a story without her. Comments are always welcomed and appreciated! =)


	3. part of who we are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I love you,” she lifted both her hands and held his face “I love you so much and I wish you could understand that."  
> "Joanie, of course I understand-"  
> She kissed him before he could say anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll notice I add a "dubious consent" tag. That is mostly because the Doctor got her memories back, but Oliver didn't, so he doesn't know who she is for real yet. Just to be on the safe side.

“And there she is."

The Lady President. On Earth. Actually on Earth. It was a new age in Gallifrey indeed. That or she must've been so very proud of her job.

The Doctor's mouth was dry. She was trembling, unstable. Not quite herself yet. She stumbled towards the desk, holding herself against it to avoid falling to the ground. The sudden absence of Joanie’s life inside her mind ached like an open wound.

"Why did you do this?" she croaked.

"Just wanted to let you know that the biolock is done. You can open _Oliver's_ watch and the two of you can frolic around the universe all you want, as long as you stay away from Gallifrey."

“WHY DID YOU DO THIS?”

If her shout startled the President, the older Time Lord didn't demonstrate. She interlaced her fingers and looked disapprovingly to the Doctor.

“We needed to protect ourselves from you.”

“So why didn’t you do a good job of it? Why didn’t you just let us- let us-" she choked on the words, unable to go forward.

“What, Doctor? I thought you’d be happy to be back on your actual self.”

“I WAS HAPPY THEN! WE WERE HAPPY! He was in peace! Do you know how long it has been since he's been in peace? You stole our identity from us, but you won’t even let me keep-”

Him? Us? The Doctor didn’t know what she wanted to say, but the loss of it wounded her.

“Oh," the President said, with a cruel smile "Oh, so that’s the problem then, Doctor. You wanted him. Despite everything. Despite the universe still needing you.”

_The universe could save itself for once!_ She wanted to snap back at the President. But she couldn’t. The Doctor couldn’t allow herself to be so selfish. She couldn't even entertain the idea, otherwise, she would fall apart, and she didn't have that luxury.

“That was cruel," she settled on that thought. It was real enough "You didn’t have to have done it in such a cruel way.”

“I didn’t know you loved him so much.”

The Doctor looked at the President, fuming. How could she not? How could anyone not know how much she loved the Master? Despite her hate. Despite his crimes. Despite herself. She loved him. She had loved him since always. She would love him until the end.

The President tilted her head, analysing the Doctor’s reaction. And enjoying whatever it was she saw there. 

“You could keep the lie, you know?” 

“What?”

“Don’t open his watch. Keep on playing house. We would be more comfortable with it, to tell you the truth."

“Ha, and for how long would that hold? He would figure it out, just like I did.”

“Maybe not. His memories aren’t so easily accessible as yours. It will take more to drive him towards his fob watch.”

“Why?”

“Well, obviously because we wanted you to figure it out first. He is more unpredictable. We’ve planned this considering that you could… ease him into the truth. You might as well use your newfound knowledge to push him deeper into the lie."

The thought tingled in the Doctor’s brain. Domesticity with the Master had never crossed her mind, not once during their many lifetimes. She wanted adventures with him. She wanted them to stop hurting one another for one goddamn second. Domesticity? It had never occurred to her, not even when Missy and her previous self were bound to that vault. But now she found out she liked it. And that scared her. 

She could keep the lie, of course. Part of her wanted. Part of her wanted that more than anything. But the bigger part, the part that was the Doctor, won.

“No. I can’t do that.”

The Doctor walked away before the President could say anything else.

\---

She walked to Joanie’s home broken. Defeated. She didn’t want to face Oliver and tell him their world was crumbling apart. Didn’t want to see his gentle smile turn into the Master's manic grin. Not again.

Part of her just wanted to do it from afar. To wait for him in the living room and open the watch before he had a chance to give her hello and walk away before they could harm each other even more.

She opened the door and the smell of roast beef flooded her senses.

"Good evening, love!"

Her heart sank. She walked dreadingly towards the kitchen and leaned against the door frame.

"You're home early."

"Yes, they cancelled the parent-teacher night. I thought I could cook something different, seeing that I'd have extra time and- Joanie, why are you crying?"

He rushed to her side and held her head between his hands, carefully drying her tears.

"What's wrong?" His eyes were so kind. His worried gaze upon her face as if she was something precious. Such big, beautiful, trustful eyes. It brought her to tears again.

"Remember how we always said we wanted to travel the world? To gaze at the stars from its every corner?"

That made Oliver ( _the Master, he's the Master)_ give out a little laugh. 

"Of course. That was in both our wedding vows, wasn't it?"

"We can still do that," she said, grabbing his hands which were still on her face "I just want you to remember that we can still do that. And it can be even better than what we had planned. Remember that."

"Joanie, what is going on? You're worrying me."

One of her hands moved slowly towards her pocket and fiddled with the watch that was there. But the Doctor found out she couldn't do it. Not without a proper goodbye.

"I love you,” she lifted both her hands and held his face “I love you so much and I wish you could understand that."

"Joanie, of course I understand-"

She kissed him before he could say anything else. Passionately and desperately. Oliver kissed her back with the same intensity, holding her by her waist.

He broke the kiss, breathless.

"Joanie, what-"

"Don't say anything, please."

He looked confused, but didn't argue, and went back to kissing her.

She started leading them towards the bedroom when Oliver stopped and held her by her shoulders.

"Okay, if that's what we're doing, I need to turn off the stove."

"What?"

He laughed and shook his head, amused by her.

"See? That's why you don't get to cook."

The Doctor laughed and then felt her heart sink. She shouldn't do that. She'd have to tell him the truth and accept that Oliver was already lost, just as Joanie was.

But then he was back from the kitchen, kissing her again and she forgot where she was going with that thought. Oliver lifted her by her thighs. She wrapped her legs around him and let him carry her the rest of the way.

They've had over one year of actual life, not just the fake memories constructed by their chameleon arches. And they’ve done this a lot of times. On this bed, on every surface of their house. Escaping friends’ gatherings to find a empty room, giggling like teenagers. On the beach, or under the stars on a camping ground, on holidays.

But nothing had been as intense as this night.

She edged her mind towards his in a way that had been natural for her and the Master, but not for humans. There was something there, a lingering link that the chameleon arch couldn't erase. _It’s as if you can read each other's minds_ , everyone always said. She channeled as much love as she could through there. _This is real, you and me. Joanie and Oliver are part of who we are and it is real. Tonight is real. Remember that._

He gave her nothing back, but she could feel him there. Nothing but love and trust for her.

"I love you, Koschei."

He looked puzzled, not as someone who had just heard his wife call him by a different name in bed. But as if he could almost see the truth. She kissed him before he could think long about it and the moment passed.

"I love you, Joanie." He answered, holding her against his chest, and she blinked away the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes.

\---

The sun was rising when the Doctor figured out it was time. She traced every inch of Oliver with the tip of her fingers. He woke up, but kept his eyes closed and a content smile grew on his face. Very, very slowly, the Doctor moved her hands towards his temples. His eyes snapped open and he grabbed her wrists, startling her.

“Don’t do this,” he said, with urgency.

_He can see what's off. This is fraying at the edges. I have to do it now._

“Do you know what I’m going to do?”

“Yes," he said firmly, almost angrily, but then his face softened, "I think. I don’t know. I don't know how I know that Joanie.” he mumbled, scared.

“It doesn’t matter. It’s nothing harmful. Don’t be afraid.”

She repeated the movement and he held her once more.

“Please, Joanie. I don’t want to forget.”

“It’s just tonight,” her voice quavered “I promise.”

“Why? I don’t want to. I don’t want to forget a single second I’ve spent with you.”

“You have to.”

“Why?”

_Because I’m selfish. Because I wanted one last night with you and if you know this when you’re him again, you’ll hold it against me forever. And I don’t want this. I don’t want to lose._

“Because it will hurt us both too much if you remember.”

“You can’t say that. Nothing about you could ever hurt me.”

She shook her head and felt the tears rolling down her cheeks. _Oh, you fool, if you only knew. Well. I guess you will. Soon enough._

“Joanie, I mean it. Why are you doing this?”

“Our lives don’t make sense. Surely you noticed that.”

“Who cares if they don’t make sense?” he said with a spark in his eyes that was all Master, like Missy inviting him to take control of her cyber army and rule the universe “At least we’re together. Isn’t that the only thing that matters?”

She shook her head. 

“I’m so sorry, Oliver.”

“No, no, no Joanie, please! Don’t-”

Despite his desperate plea breaking her heart, she did it anyway. 

He sounded so much like Donna. The Doctor hated the High Council more than she could’ve thought possible that they forced her into something like that again. 

But deep down, she hated herself more. It wasn’t the same. She wasn't saving his life, just her own pride. 

Oliver ( _the Master, he’s the Master)_ went limp in her arms and she cradled him, crying.

_I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I love you._ She whispered through their telepathic connection, knowing he couldn't hear it.


	4. The pancakes weren’t that impressive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh, you loved every minute of it, Doctor. To have a little husband taking care of you.”  
> “It was boring.” she lied  
> The Master smiled knowingly.  
> “Liar."

They were inside her TARDIS when he woke up.

"Ugh, ow!" 

She said nothing, just gaze silently at him while he squirmed and complained from the floor, where she had left him after she opened his fob watch 

“Those bastards.”

“Yeah” she agreed, dryly.

He turned on his back and stared at the ceiling for a few seconds before looking at her with annoyance.

“Took you long enough to figure it out.”

“Oh, shut up. You’d still be making me pancakes every morning if I hadn’t opened your watch for you.”

“Pff, as if you would dislike that.”

“The pancakes weren’t that impressive.”

“Oh, you loved every minute of it, Doctor," he retorted, sitting up "To have a little husband taking care of you.”

“It was boring.” she lied

The Master smiled knowingly.

“Liar. That’s what you always dreamed of. That’s why you texted O so very often.”

“O was  _ nice _ . You could try pretending to be so more often."

He gave her a look. Perhaps not the best time to suggest "pretending". She bit her tongue.

"Why were you even posing as him?”

He made a big show of standing up and brushing dust out of his clothes. He was back on his preferred purple checkered trousers and vest, but he blissfully didn't ask her how. She didn't want to admit how much she struggled to dress an unconscious Master.

“Buying my time. Causing a bit of chaos here and there. Trying to come up with a big enough plan to impress you.”

“And your best choice was the Kassavin, wow. You could just take me to a concert or something, you know.”

“What would be the fun in that?”

She rolled her eyes.

“And what were you doing in Gallifrey that pissed them off so much?”

“Trying to hack into the Matrix.”

“Why?”

He shrugged.

“For the joke of it. To figure out their secrets.”

“Well, I am done with it. Gallifrey and their secrets. You should do the same.”

“Oh, come on, Doctor,” he rubbed his hands together and walked closer to her “If they went to all this trouble to keep us away, they must be hiding something dirty in there.”

“Of course they are, that’s what they do. Lie and keep secrets.”

“Aren’t you just a bit curious?”

“No.”  She was curious, but not enough to make herself care.

"Doctor…" he teased.

"I mean it. Beat yourself bloody trying to surpass their biolock, it won't bring anything good." She shuddered with the not-memory of 4.5 billion years spent punching his way out of a confession dial. It hadn't happened, not really. But it still hurt.

"You're no fun. You went to all the trouble of saving them to just not care whether or not they're there?"

"Why should I? The Time Lords don't care about the likes of us unless we're useful to them. Which I certainly prefer not to be. It's enough for me to know I didn't kill them all. That I'm not the last one."

Her tone was somber and that, for once, shut the Master up and he chose to pace around the TARDIS instead.

The soft hum of the ship traveling along the vortex was almost comforting. A familiar tune to soothe the wounds the chameleon arch had left behind. The Doctor let her thoughts drift away. She should probably look for Bill, explain to her what had happened. Give her a hug and tell her puddle girlfriend to take care of her and let her drive more often. She was considering how to do that when she looked up and saw the Master staring at her.

He was serious, analysing her face. It was a bit too much to take, so she turned her gaze back at the console before speaking.

"Are you okay?"

"Don't pretend to care, Doctor. It's offensive."

"I'm not p-" but she stopped herself. No point in trying to argue with him.

"What happens to me now?" 

There was a sort of anxiety in his tone she preferred to ignore.

"Dropping you off somewhere you can cause less damage. Any requests?" she said, only half-joking.

"I thought you'd take me to prison. Or arrange for my execution." He said, sounding genuinely surprised.

"We both know neither of those last long for you. I thought that after a year of marriage you'd want to stay away from me. Give me a bit of a rest for a while."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

A sad voice accompanied by a sad sigh.  _ He's playing with you _ . She thought and told herself not to look at him. But she did. Like magnetism, it was unavoidable to do so. Her mental shields were as high as she could have them, but her eyes still betrayed her. His eyes did the same to him. Something was there. Sorrow. Longing. The memories of that year, fresh as a wound in both their minds. They held onto that gaze for a full minute before turning away from each other.

She could’ve given him a day’s rest, to ground himself back on being the Master, as she herself had had, but she couldn’t. Not if every time they looked at each other that’s what would happen. Her emotions were frayed enough as it were. 

“And how did Missy become you?” she asked, gesturing vaguely at him “I’m sure she got rid of Saxon fast enough, but I didn’t think I’d see a new body so fast. I’m sure she had all sorts of mischief planned, seeing as she finally got rid of me.” the Doctor tried not to let her voice crack at the last sentence. It still hurt, it still hurt so much that they had been so close to getting better and then the Master had walked away from her past self, leaving him for dead.

He frowned, looking at her as if she was daft.

“Missy never left the Mondasian ship.”

The Doctor’s head lifted from the console with a snap.

“What?”

“She died there. She-” he was angry again. The same rage he had shown in Barton’s plane or the Adelaide Gallery "Saxon killed her.”

The Doctor mouthed a shocked ‘why’, but he carried on talking before she had the chance to voice it.

“She was trying to be by your side. That’s what I-, she. What she was going to do. She told my past self as much and he wasn’t happy about it, so he shot Missy. Told her she wouldn’t regenerate but, well. Here I am.”

_ By my side?  _ The thought gutted the Doctor. She had been so sure that the Master had left her for good, claiming that they could never stand side by side. It was one of the things that had made her past self so hopeless, almost unwilling to regenerate. But if Missy had tried to come back...

“I didn’t know that.”

The Master didn’t seem moved by her admission or by the pain that could be heard in her voice.

“Yeah. And didn’t bother to go looking for her either, did you? So when I woke up, as me, I gave up. On you, on that ridiculous farce we spent 70 years playing, on your plans to make me  _ good _ .” 

He was looking at her, expecting her to comment on this new discovery, but the Doctor was still trying to find her words when he concluded.

“So I grabbed a TARDIS and ran away to have adventures. It’s what you do, isn’t it?”

She swallowed and said the only thing she could think of.

"I don't align with malevolent creatures from different dimensions or blow people out of planes. These aren’t adventures."

"That’s just because you are a coward."

They stood in silence again, occasionally staring at each other with poorly concealed anger - in the Master’s case - and gut-wrenching pain - in the Doctor’s. 

\---

With a bit of TARDIS assistance, the Doctor chose a good enough planet to drop him off. A society that had only recently discovered intergalactic travel, so the Master wouldn't tamper with their history by trying to escape, but primitive enough that he would be held back for a while. It was a reckless plan and, indeed, she should send him to a prison or something, but she couldn’t bring herself to do that.

"You do know I'll find a way back to Earth. At least to get my TARDIS, right?" he said, confirming how irresponsible she was being.

"I'll be ready for you when you do." Fake bravado, just as one should show in such a scenario.

"You say that, but you never are."

"I've got a feeling you won't regenerate that soon,” she could tell he liked this body. Still too new to get rid of “I'll know who to look for."

He smiled smugly. He knew she liked the new body too. One year of enthusiastic complimenting of it did that. Well, one can't erase everything. She rolled her eyes and walked him to the door.

Once he touched the handle, he turned around. Dangerously close to her. 

"Why do you think they put us as a married couple?"

"What?"

She couldn’t figure out if he was teasing her or not. It sounded like teasing.

"Wouldn't it make the holes on their thread more visible?"

“It would make it easier to observe and control us. If we were together.”

“Hum.”

He shrugged and started opening the door before turning abruptly again.

“Oh, for Rassilon! Won’t you just leave?”

"My head's all fuzzy. Like my memory got erased. What about yours?"

"The memories of a couple of millennia and several regenerations being shoved into your head all at once can do that." She said, without answering.

He looked for something in her face but found nothing. Every fiber in her being was focused on her lie. He wasn't the only one able to hide his true self.

"You don't think they erased something important when we were human?"

"Like what? That if you put batteries in the freezer they last longer? We wouldn't have been able to realize anything important when we were human."

"I guess so,” he said, but he was suspicious. She gestured towards the door, ushering him out before she gave anything away. He was a much better telepath than her and she couldn’t let him have the upper hand.

He stared at her hand then back at her face.

“I guess it's goodbye, then."

"Goodbye."

"Or see you soon."

"Wouldn't expect anything different from you."

He smiled and it was charming and dangerous and she couldn't quite look away. But suddenly, as he was so prone to do, his mood changed. His eyes lowered and were heavy with sadness. So very much like Oliver when she erased his memories 

"Doctor, I-"

"Don't."

"You don't even know what I'm-"

" _ Don't. _ "

The Master took a step towards her. She didn't back away.

"You talked about stars. Last night. Just before you brought me back."

"Yeah, so?"

"Were you already you?"

He knew she was. He just wanted to hear her say it, so she didn't answer.

"Was it true?"

She swallowed the lump in her throat. 

"That's up to you to decide."

"You would still want to change me, don't you?"

She looked away from him. She wasn't ready for this talk, not so soon after learning the truth about Missy.

"Right now, I just want you to leave."

It's too much, she thought. His proximity. The memory of the past year, so strong and so real. Their last night and the mental strength she had to make to hide it from him. He took another step towards her until she could feel the heat emanating from his body. _Stop,_ she wordlessly pleaded, because when he was so close, she couldn't trust herself not to close the distance. He moved a hair strand away from her face.

"What are you-"

He leaned in and kissed her. Softly, tentatively. Like Oliver would. Like the Master did.

She kissed him back. Grabbing at his jacket and running a hand through his hair while he held her through her waist, one hand gently caressing her face.

They parted and The Master, for once, wasn't gloating or trying to get the upper hand on the situation. His eyes were still close and his lips twitched as if they were still searching hers.

"I'll miss them," he whispered

"No, you won't." she would. She missed them already.

He opened his eyes and smiled, with no mirth behind it.

"Perhaps not."

He took one step out the door and she pulled him back, pushed him against the TARDIS wall and kissed him again, a bit more roughly this time. She could feel the laughter in his mouth.

"And stay away from me." She whispered, inches away from his mouth.

He laughed and walked away with no further commentary and a pleased spring to his step. 

Just as she was about to close the door, he turned around. He didn’t call her but she felt him trying to get her attention. She looked at him, not quite sure of what she was expecting, or feeling, but her hearts skipped a beat. He blew her a kiss, before disappearing from her sight.

The Doctor rolled her eyes at the Master one last time and walked back to the console. She took a deep breath.

Right. Time to find the Fam again. And explain a whole lot of things to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So this it. I loved writing this story, thanks so much everyone that read it, kudo-ed and commented, it meant at lot to me! This was my first Doctor Who fanfiction and it was so fun to write it, I hope to do so again soon. English isn't my first language, so if I made any mistake please let me know. And comments are always welcomed!


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